#RHOA: Be a Better Friend to Mommys
The latest Sunday night episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta was full of some moving, messy and still very teachable mommy moments. From Cynthia Bailey's full breakdown over parenting her tween daughter to Kenya Moore's raw emotions about her mother's failure to act as one, there were some all too familiar interactions between these ladies that led me to ask the question: am I being a good mommy friend? Is it my call to bring judgement on my mommy-friend who chooses to raise her children using different standards than those in my household. I was completely taken back by NeNe's reaction to Cynthia's parenting style. I am a mother of 3 boys. I do agree with Mrs. Leakes that raising boys is completely different from raising girls, and often requires a heavier hand (those boys will be bigger than you one day). But, I do not agree that bashing a mommy-friend's parenting style is the way to go. As Kenya Moore pointed out, just the fact that the Bailey Agency owner is obviously a caring and thoughtful mother says she is doing a lot more than other parents who choose daily to ignore even the existence of their children.
Taking it a step closer to actual reality, I have to ask Brown Mommy readers: how often do you judge rather than support your mommy-friend's decisions? I wrote an article a few month's ago about not wanting to send my sons to college because I believe a marketable, skilled trade would fulfill our family standard of supporting a stronger African-American community while still gaining enough wages to be great husbands and fathers. The backlash I received was enormous. Rather than saying kudos for thinking about your child's future with the perspective of supporting community, I was blasted for emasculating my sons and told I was foolish for not helping them reach another's ideal of the American dream. My husband and I parent from an African center. That means the standard in my household supports a strong African-American community for our children to raise their children in peace and self-sustainability.
All too often, we don't take into account that motherhood deserves the same diversity as sisterhood. We as women do not all settle for one career path. We don't all fall for the same type of guy, or even like our homes styled with the same decor. Therefore, we should not all be expected to raise our children in the same manner. Not to mention that motherhood is not a competition or a race, its more like a self-pace journey. A few months ago I was introduced by one of our new Brown Mommy bloggers to a style of parenting called Love & Logic. Rather than completely dismiss the method, I did some research and decided to take from it what I liked and be happy for the mommy who made a decision to put so much thought and care into the raising of her child. Bottom-line: we don't always have to agree. Just be happy that your fellow brown mommy is trying so hard to raise happy and thoughtful children. What this episode taught me is that there is more that bonds us brown mommys than that separates us. Mrs. Kenya and Kordell Stewart's former wife Porsha, were able to bond over their longing for motherhood, despite a season long feud.
As long as your fellow mommy friend is not doing serious mental, physical or spiritual damage to their child it is okay to let them learn from their mistakes and only provide a healing hand when requested.
RHOA Around the Web:
- NeNe Leaks UnApologetic For Making Cynthia Bailey Cry .... S2SMagazine.com
- NeNe Defends Her Parenting .... BravoTv.com