The Power of an Effective Mother

by Diamonte Walker

Popular culture has become big on mom shaming. There is an ever present litmus test of what it means to be a good mother. If you don’t use certain types of cleaning products, diapers, a particular feeding method or parenting style, then you’re a bad mom.

Well, I say bull crap. While the mommy wars are very real, and I admire anyone equipped to fight them, I am content to watch from the sidelines. If that is what it's all about, I have no desire to be a good mother. Say What?

My sole focus is to be an effective mother.

My logic tells me that if I focus on being effective for my children, the good part will take care if itself.

The fear of being labeled a bad mom and the desire to be a considered a good mom has put undo burden on moms who are in most cases, already stretched too thin.

Each child is unique and I think moms should have the liberty to parent their kid in a way that brings out the best in that child – even if it means breaking some societal norms that we’ve accepted as gospel.

For example, my six year old daughter watches a lot of television. Spongebob Squarepants is her favorite show. She can watch episode after episode with my husband and not get tired of it.

I almost fell into the good mommy versus bad mommy trap and was going to start limiting the amount of television she watched – Spongebob in particular because I thought it was too silly.

After all, the experts say tv will rot your brain, right?

Well, not so fast. I suddenly realized something. Since our daughter started watching, her vocabulary had expanded. I’d hear her use certain words in the proper context and they seemed a bit advanced for a six year old’s lexicon, so I’d ask my husband in amazement, “where’d she get that from?”

He’d explain how the word was in an episode of Spongebob and she’d been able to retrieve the word for use in a different context where she felt it applicable.

I am not advocating that every mom allow their child to watch Spongebob. It may not be cognitively appropriate for every kid. The point I am making is that it works for mine. Now, keep in mind, we are very interactive with our daughter and we’ve been communicating with her in standard adult speak since she was born. This has had the biggest impact on her command of the language, but allowing her to watch Spongebob has helped our efforts, not deterred them.

Meaning, I don’t have to keep her from watching it because some expert said that is what a good mom would do. My job is to do what works for us.

I encourage all moms to not get so bogged down in trying to live up to society’s definition of a good mom, that you miss out on the chance to be an effective mom.Your kids will thank you for it.