Does a Man Owe You Anything?
If you’ve been online for the last few days, then chances are you’ve seen the sad images of Siovaughn Wade, the ex-wife of basketball player Dwayne Wade, protesting for sympathy in front of a courthouse. Siovaughn and a family member can be seen sitting outside of a courthouse with a sign detailing her woes as the downtrodden mother of his children while he enjoys the good life as a millionaire.
It is easy to speculate into what exactly is going on here. The details of their sordid history are hard to follow and blame is difficult to pinpoint. Is she mentally ill? Is he arrogant and selfish? Is it a combination of the two? We don’t really know for sure, but what I do know is this:
As women, we cannot go through life feeling like a man owes us something.
Regardless of our station in his life. It doesn’t matter if he made you, if you birthed him, if you married him, bore children for him or took a bullet for him. He does not owe you more than what you owe yourself. However, because we are not entitled, does not mean we are not worthy.
Our power cannot be wasted on trying to extract atonement from the unwilling. Get your life in alignment and atonement will follow suit. I've seen it happen too many times not to believe it.
Several years ago, I went to court and withdrew my petition for child support against my daughter’s father. We’d been haggling over his responsibility to step up to the plate financially for years and I was tired. I prayed and asked God to give me more than enough that I would no longer have to look in that direction for supplication and my prayers were answered.
In addition to cancelling the support order, I notified the court I was not interested in the arrearages owed. Come again?
Both he and the caseworker sat in shock at my statement. I calmly informed them both that he had my address and I was willing to accept any and all funds he would like to put in the mail, but I would not waste another hour of my precious time trying to force him to do what he was naturally supposed to do – take care of his child.
Now, I am not saying that my decision is for everyone. There were not millions at stake in my case, but my peace was at stake, just as Siovaughn’s peace is at stake now.
For me, child support became a matter of principle, not a matter of practicality. You won’t ever get from a person what they don’t want, or don’t have to give. If you do, be sure the price you have to pay is worth it.
Since those images of Siovaughn have emerged, she and Mr. Wade have since come to a financial settlement. I hope she can get well enough to get back into the lives of her children.
Believing that a man owes you something is a desolate place to be in. Because even if he does owe you, it is not worth your dignity trying to get it.
Let’s keep Brown Mama, Siovaughn Wade, in prayer.