Birthdays & Putting the "Hood" Back in Motherhood
Last Thursday was my youngest son's 4th birthday and on Saturday we hosted his birthday party at my home for a small group of family and friends. Just to get it out of the way here are a few pictures.
Leading up to any birthday party one expects a certain amount of anxiety. But, I was in super anxious mode. The day of the party I had so many competing priorities. From work projects I was dreading putting off until Sunday to a choice between having a well-groomed yard or clean house with only about 5 hours to complete both projects, I was slightly overwhelmed. So, it was no surprise that when my guest I arrived I was not ready. The cake and ice cream were not ready, the games were unplanned and the kids were just running wild.
During the thick of the party my first and closest cousin, who we call Chinky, saw my frustration and said to me. "Muffy," which is what my family calls me, "Do you remember when we were kids. When we had parties we just played." That statement was enough to put me at ease.
One of my biggest issues with parenting these days is the attempt by America to hijack the experience and turn it into this USDA certified organic, kid-proofed, DIY all the time series of never-ending events. When I was growing up my mom didn't care whether our food was organic or generic. We played outside until the street lights came on. And the answer to everything was "Because I said so." Not to mention, when we had a birthday party so did the grown-ups. That meant that they played two games with us at birthday parties, one of which was always either a dance contest or musical chairs which I swear was for their own personal enjoyment more than for ours. What I remember most about those parties is that it was where I formed my fondest childhood memories. In those instances of no parental supervision, we made one of our oldest cousins eat bubbles and he couldn't talk for three days. At those parties, we made up dance steps and created games that were more fun than any adult could ever fathom.
Anyone who knows me (Cynthia Mendoza) knows I love my Blackness and wouldn't give it up for the world. But more than that, I value the uniqueness of the African American perspective and I really want to pass the positives of that experience on to my children; that's why I always have kids at my house, keep some Marshmallow Stars (the generic version of Lucky Charms) in my cupboard and will occasionally give my kids beans and franks for lunch. Yes there are always problems we can point to in the African American community, but why not embrace the things that have made you unequivocally and greatly you! Now that's what a Brown Mommy does!